December 2010
new years resolutions
last night i cut off my festival wristbands. it hurt a bit.
my new years resolution is letting go.
letting go of old memories, ex boyfriends, ex toyfriends, ex bestfriends and old bad habbits.
i’m going to: save money, lose 20 kg (!), pass grade 12 and find out what i want to do with my life. i’ll travel from the saved money and hopefully finally find love.
this is my 2011,...
cry me a motherfucking river
i’d like to note that i’ve never felt so alone
Anonymous asked: i'm very sorry dear. maybe watching this would help you, it's helped me before: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=32EIUAVC
there's a quote in there; "love isn't a place you can run away to."
there's a quote in there; "love isn't a place you can run away to."
soap&skin, regina spektor, dear euphoria, iamamiwhoami
i’m telling myself that it’ll all change when i find someone. i’m just really scared that nothing will change, that i stay unhappy and that the reason is me. me and all that fat. and i secretly know that it’s all about me, just me
after french tutoring i went to the city, lonesome souls wandering around, everywhere. nobody would say a word. people slither through iced streets, you can see their breath. the city is breathing, one last exhausted breeze. i went to h&m to give myself the very last stab right into the chest, no bra fit. no piece of clothing looked decent. had nutella for dinner.
my granddad had an emotional breakdown at our christmas dinner tonight. it was awful, i just want to cry. it came out of nothing and he said hes regretting it so much that he has not spent that much time with me and my siblings. he has always been there for us. i love him so much, it kills me seeing him fading away, for real. it hurts him so much, this process. hes thinking way too much, about the...
you killed me, i crave you
an 18 hour car ride is over, it is freezing and i’ve already met my cousin, grandma and two friends. tomorrow is christmas, merry christmas y’all. <3
i’ll be home and later on at my aunts, at night theres a party at a friends. lifes good. i guess, i’m just tired. went shopping today, people are crazy. i wanted to buy some presents. i bought a blazer. for me. cause...
today we did a field trip to the christmas market and i swear its not about christmas anymore, its a fucking fatty market. then we went to mc donalds to have something for lunch and i ordered a burger. i seriously hadnt had one in months. now i know why. it was so fucking greasy and disgusting omg worst part was being watched by everyone, at least thats what i felt. they probably didnt even notice...
Anonymous asked: hey there. i just got to your blog yesterday, a friend send me the link, and i'm really captured. you have a high sensibility, emotionally, which occurs through your writings and esthetically - beautiful, inspiring pictures. such a high sensibility is difficult to deal with, i see. i somehow recognize myself as an 18 year old in who you are now. i'd like to give you some of my strength....
Anonymous asked: hey there. i just got to your blog yesterday, a friend send me the link, and i'm really captured. you have a high sensibility, emotionally, which occurs through your writings and esthetically - beautiful, inspiring pictures. such a high sensibility is difficult to deal with, i see. i somehow recognize myself as an 18 year old in who you are now. i'd like to give you some of my strength....
raskolnik0v asked: if you ever need to talk, just ask me for my e-mail address. i am where you are right now, trying desperately to get out.
“Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself...”
– sia
i hope christmas is over soon. i lost a few kg’s the last weeks and havent stepped on the scale for 3 days now, i know i messed it all up, i feel fatter than ever
i dont want this
i dont want that disturbed relationship to food, i dont want bad grades, i dont want a sister i dont ever talk to, i dont want friends i cant talk to, i dont want my grandpa to die, i dont want to be lonely all the time, i dont want late nights and early mornings of high expectations and low downs, i dont want feeling shitty 24/7, i dont want to be ungrateful, i dont want bad...
tonight i’d really like to not exist
two days is all it takes
all i want for christmas is what i can’t have
